Living in the reality of constant fear, he was the one who decided to face it. A young man with bold dreams one day took the risk and broke through the isolation he was kept in. He was running away too long, but escaping from those who were trying to take away the most precious thing he owned, turned out to exceed his abilities. They made him a prisoner. But those having high hopes never give up, don't they? A little bit scared. A little bit brave. A little bit confused with the new reality. Constantly fighting for survival.
ANGUS FITZIMMONS
It wasn’t too difficult after some time: training the group, planning the raid, then flying in, killing freeing, liberating, healing, flying out, leaving the sick and terrified angels to the community. The first raids… they had been more difficult, less strategic, more improvised, ergo harder. More had gotten hurt, more had been damaged. Trinity still was in the process of healing after one of those first actions, even though it had been several months since he had taken part in liberating. But well, what they did was difficult, so the difficult they had to accept. Pain became the usual instead of the unwanted obviousness.
OdpowiedzUsuń“Okay, so the plan is simple,” started Emily one day, showing her fellow angels the paper on which she pointed the most important places to take over. Those included the farm itself, where she needed at least three angels; the cowshed, where again she needed three angels – the ‘flying cows’ tended to panic quite a lot during a raid; the slaughter house, where she herself decided to go with Mack, and the rest was to fight the demons, killing without mercy. But the plan was only theoretically simple. “But firstly, I will go with Clarice there. We will try to get those angels into fighting, especially that this place is one of those where they sent the caught angels. Probably Angus is there, so…”
“Angus? This one from royal angels?” asked Mack, and upon Emily’s nod, he continued, “do we really have to play with royalty, seriously?”
Mack was obviously not really fond of the royals. They were snobs, arrogant pieces of shit who wanted only to be greeted and welcomed, believing that they really were the ones sent by God. Cuz of them angels were killed, cuz of their idiotic unwillingness to fight. Mack hated bad leaders.
“We are not going to leave them there, Mack, especially that we need any help,” decided Emily. Mack was powerful, with a pair of wings bigger than anyone, but he did not have the strategic brains. Emily had, fortunately. “And their help would be nice. We can’t save everyone’s asses without their action, okay?”
Mack went silent, tho it was obvious he was not happy with this solution. He knew that the royals would not help. They were fuckheads who never wanted to help. They needed just power and people admiring them for their white wings. But Mack was certain that white wings just meant someone was just dumb.
Once the plan was settled, Emily and Clarice, her angel student who was quite good in killing demons, went into the farm. It wasn’t very difficult to get in, as no one really guarded the angels that much. They were perceived as stupic – and stupid they were. But who wouldn’t be in such circumstances?
Emily sat down next to Angus; it wasn’t too difficult to find him. The only angel with white wings. She looked on what he was eating.
“Tasty, eh?” she smirked. Her wings were covered in blood, shit and dirt to hide that they were not really impoverished. They were strong, Emily knew they were strong. “Do you have anyone who could help us?”
He had to know who she was. Everyone knew. And the majority of them hated her for the defiance against the rule of peacefulness.
[It was weird, writing it in English XD]
“Of course I am with them,” she said instantly, angered by merely a suggestion. “I am going to bite your little precious wings off, because I am a cannibal.” She looked at Angus with no patience on her mien. She took her phone out. “Cover me at least” she commanded and then called one of her people.
OdpowiedzUsuń“No, he does not know anyone. We are alone. I won’t risk anyone’s life by asking too many questions. I know, there are more than there should be, but… I know, they are prepping for us. Well. Clarice is coming to me, she probably found no one. Okay. We will secure Angus. Yes. Start operation now, we need a distraction.”
When Clarice sat down, Emily looked at her. One look was enough to tell that those angels were starving and too tired to fight. Emily frowned, looked around, and then a huge explosion somewhere the entrance to the cave took place.
Emily instantly spread her wings and rose into the air.
“Clarice, keep him safe!” she shouted at her student. “All of you, we came here to give you your freedom back. If you want to fight, take whatever you can and kill all the demons you see. If you can’t, hide. By the end of this day you will be free! Fight for your freedom!”
At the last second she lowered her left wing, escaping several bullets. She turned to the demons, and waved her wings so fiercely that the demons fell down. Then she came at them without mercy; they couldn’t have known what killed them. She started shooting all demons who started coming in her direction. She probably would’ve been killed if it hadn’t been for all other wingless, tired, almost dead captive angels who started covering her and killing everybody who came near. Emily, seeing that she once again succeeded in waking up the anger in them, rose into the air and started striking from there.
Clarice looked at Angus, taking out several of her knives.
“Hold it,” she commanded, pressing one small knife into Angus’ palms. “Just in case. But I am good at my job.” She smiled in a very psychopathic way and soon cut a throat of one of the incoming demons.
Emily was furious, but these feelings, those sensations under her skin were just natural to her; like the original state, like rage was what her skin was made out of. She shot so many demons that her fingers hurt from pressing the trigger, yet she didn’t stop. Aim, shoot, aim, shoot, like a mantra. She saw more angels flying around her, so probably her squad broke through the main gate, but she was too busy having fun.
OdpowiedzUsuńSometimes she made sure that Clarice and this whipster, tho he was probably older then her, were okay. Clarice was strong, she was psychopathic, so Emily trusted her with this kid. She saw with a corner of her eye that Clarice was giving him orders, so she probably quickly trained him in defending his poor ass. Good. But there was no time to think about it. As long as he was alive it was good. Not like his death would be a tragedy. Only the money from his parents would not come.
When the rest of Emily’s squad finally appeared on the stage, demons finally understood they had no chances with this heavenly army. Emily shouted after them, but those few who managed to escape didn’t matter that much: there was already a team waiting for them near the gate, ready to kill, so that the word about the attack would not spread out that fast. The reasons for this were completely logical: Emily had to organize everything and everybody; she had to take angels to a safe haven. Those few lives without importance could become an obstacle, so she had to take care of them.
She looked at Clarice after everything. She was still guarding this kid. Both were in blood. But instead of coming to them, Emily landed on one of the barracks in which angels had been living. She looked at all of them.
“They can come here any minute” she said, looking at bloody faces. The adrenaline of the fight was still in their eyes, but Emily knew from experience that this feeling faded away very quickly. Then it was difficult to move those angelic asses. “There are trucks just in front of the gate, Mack” she pointed out an angel with brown wings and huge scythe in his hands “will guide you. Don’t panic if you don’t know what a truck is. We need to take you from here. We will arrive to a safe place where you will be given food and water, and a place to sleep. No one is going to hurt you anymore. If you have any serious wounds, look for angels in the green jackets, they will heal you, they have medicine. Just raise your arm or a wing if you have them. And don’t feel sorry for those bastards. They deserved all of it.”
Emily landed near Clarice and looked at her and the kid.
“Go, check yourself with the team B. I’ll take care of him” she told Clarice. Then she moved near the kid. “Give me those” she said, and then took a knife and cut through the belts holding his wings. “You okay? I saw you fought. Can you walk or you too weak?”
She wanted to believe that she had no tenderness, that was easier for a perfect killer like her, but she wasn’t brutal at all when she freed his wings.
“Your parents are waiting for you, but you will have to go with all the other angels in the trucks. We can’t provide you with a better transport for now.”
No, she didn’t want to listen to his complaints, because she didn’t care as long as he was about to survive the next several hours. There were angels back home that specialized in this sort of angel management, but Emily... Emily was rather bad in those things. No one saw her ever complaint without a reason, more often she was throwing things at those who angered her, but no, she had never complained like that. If he had started to talk about fear, she would have most probably told him to snap it. She herself was almost always afraid. Or maybe she wasn’t. She didn’t know the line between feeling something and feeling nothing anymore. Everything blended into one.
OdpowiedzUsuń“Okay” she said, totally not affected by the fact that Angus’ parents were dead. Many angels were dead. She herself was adopted, so the topic was not really something new to her. “Someone promised us quite a good profit from saving you, I don’t know who it was. Doesn’t matter really as long as I get my money” she smiled without emotions.
Maybe it looked as if she didn’t really care for those lived she was saving, but in reality, she didn’t care that much about the money. Payment her was important from logical, logistical and strategic point of view, though she liked to perceive this as means of saying “thank you”, not as money for the work done. Those years spent in destroying farms, however, made her quite disappointed and bitter if it comes to helping royalties. They were never grateful; they treated her like shit even though she brought home their sons, daughters, parents, wives and husbands. That’s why her reactions looked a little bit rough. But did really anyone from royalty care about her reactions?
“Come, you’ll help me” she commanded, standing up and looking as the small crowd near the gates. As always, they were really in a hurry. “There are still things to do and you might be of some use. Can you fly?”
Without waiting, she started off and flew high. Then, she shouted, “Kids, I know you are here, hiding. Angus is here with me, you might have seen him here, on the farm. He can promise we will not hurt you. But if you stay, the demons will come and kill you, and eat you. I know you are there, so they will know too.”
Then she landed and waited, until one small head did not appear from behind one of the barracks. Emily stood, looking at her, but saying nothing. There were probably more of them, winged little creatures who would never escape if left alone.
She was literally, honestly shocked; a royal angel who said that he could not return to his old life in safety? Really? And that early after the release... well, he wasn't really released yet, and still, he did not want to return. Emily was impressed, but she said nothing. Maybe it was just a crazy talk to impress her, maybe he didn't know what he was saying because of shock. Everything was possible. The least possible option was that this kid might have wanted to help them. Nah, that was silly and beyond impossible.
OdpowiedzUsuńShe came after him, getting into the barrack. Dozens of weak, impoverished winged creatures, bred only to be raised, and then killed, and then eaten. Emily felt nothing. Earlier she had cried, and had been full of rage, and had been furious, now she just looked at them without any feelings. She had had to discard them in order to survive and in order to work. Crying, she was useless.
"Okay, calm down, come with me. We have food, okay? We have food" she said, and then lowered herself, offering the closest kid some bread. "We have more good food where we live. You won't be hungry there, okay? And thanks to Angus we will have even more, because he will pay us. You see? He is with us, you don't have to be afraid."
She was calming, but she knew that children generally distrusted her: she hardened during ther war. No kid trusted a hard, rough, impatient woman. Emily stood up, giving food to Angus.
"Make them come with us" she whispered. "Or leave them. We don't have time to save everybody. I will burn the bodies. We don't want those fuckers to eat those who fell while fighting for their freedom."
In just severasl minutes, she brought some gasoline from the trucks. The bodies were already piled up. Soon, the cave blazed with a huge great fire. Emily stood near it, looking at it.
"Em, we have to go" shouted Mack.
"Children, Angus's got them. Wait a minute or two," she responded and then looked in the direction of the barrack.
She could not save everybody, she reminded herself. Those children might have to stay and die. She had to think about the greater picture, right?
OdpowiedzUsuńShe grabbed his arm and then she held him firmly.
“We have no time,” she said honestly, looking at the building. “They will manage” she lied, then she pierced him with her eyes. She knew those small angels will be hunted down and killed, and then slowly eaten. Or they will start a new flock of angels for some wealthy demon. They will be forced to rape each other to produce more angels. And as far as her knowledge reached, their new owner was not going to wait until children become grown-ups. “You won’t save them on your own and we need to go.”
Some time ago Mack was really against letting Clarice join them; she had no feelings at all, or if she did, they were turbulent and violent. He said, we don’t need someone that messed up. But looking at Angus, Emily understood that Clarice with her brutal tendencies was nothing compared to herself. She just like that killed those babies. Just like that she was okay with their terrible fate. Clarice maybe was a sociopath; Emily became a psychopath.
“Fuck,” she said, and then looked at him. “Okay. Try to work with them. I’ll get the trucks going. Those who won’t come… I’ll grab them. So just befriend them,” she commanded and then started off to the trucks.
Soon, she looked as they were leaving. Mack, who was holding the wheel of the last truck, looked at Emily angrily.
“Be ready.” Emily turned and, returning to the cave, she took a long electrical stick with which demons sometimes ‘silenced’ the misbehaving angels. Also, she took out her Glock. If sweet words wouldn’t work, Emily was going to made them go with her. Even at the cost of hatred.
Soon she landed near Angus. She looked at the group near him, keeping weapons behind her, so that they would go with him. And as soon as they left, Emily showed the rest her means of diplomacy: threatening to kill all of them and beating one small kid, she managed to get them out of there.
When they got into the truck, Emily sit next to Angus and kids and shouted to Mack he could start the engine. Then she glimpsed over all the kids around her, the majority trying not to touch her and she said:
“Good job with those kids.” She seemed not to notice that some of those small creatures were crying every time she would look at them. Or maybe she didn’t care about them at all. Covered in blood, with something very cold in her eyes, she was closer to demons in children’s eyes, she knew it. But the pain after the fight was too huge to care about something so insignificant.
For several hours of ride, Emily was holding her gun firmly, even though she fell asleep. She woke up then Mack stopped the car.
“We safe?” she asked, and having heard the reply, she looked at Angus. “Keep ‘em here, kids go last,” she said and then jumped out of the truck, closing doors behind her.
UsuńThey were in the mountains, of course, the best place for angels. The place looked more like a village: fourteen houses stood in a circle, all of them in a totally different style, each one simpler than others. In the center there was a big, stone crafted log mansion in front of which all the former prisoners were grouped. Several years ago it belonged to some angel family, but all of them were killed. Then, the mansion was taken over by the demon lady who held Emily as her angel-pet for a year. After freeing herself and imprisoning her owner, Emily turned the mansion in her base. Soon she was able to fund building another house, then another, and now she had even a house for lost children.
When she got out, the unload was already in progress. Some of the non-wings who decided to stay with their species were commanding around, prepping food and giving out orders to others; some angels’ wings were being freed; some children were taken by angels in yellow robes to the seventh house on the left; some were being healed by healers. Emily told Mack to get Elisabeth because the children in the truck were probably shitting themselves cuz of fear. And when Elisabeth landed, she looked at Emily with disgust.
“Took all of them,” she said to the woman and then opened the truck.
Elisabeth was a British angel who came there from New York as soon as she heard that a base was created. She was gentle and quiet, with great belief in pacifism. Emily distrusted her with everything besides taking care of children and the sick because of her beliefs. And Elisabeth distrusted Emily for her lack of compassion. Yet, they both knew that if it came to their aims, they were similar, so they managed to work together.
“She will take care of them. You wanna eat or shower first?” she asked Angus, looking as Elisabeth was slowly approaching children.
Of course she could. Elisabeth was one of those that you fall in love with instantly. She would hold those little angels in her arms when they screamed; she would give them her own portion of food. But she would really never save anyone. Emily did the dirty work, so the only ones who knew what she was dealing with were those who shared this pitiful fate. Those who didn’t have to make difficult decisions hated her.
OdpowiedzUsuńBut that was okay. Thanks to her they were at least able to hate her. Without Emily, they would be dead by now.
“Come,” she said and then looked at his wings. Those were skin and bones, nothing else, so she started marching to the main house. Her own wing was hurting as hell, as the pain started to finally come over, so she would not fly that well. Better not to show everyone that she was weakened though.
In the big bathrooms with two showers, Emily started to take of her clothes. She threw her jacket on the ground, and then got inside one of the showers. Then she took off all the other clothes. Warm water was everything she really needed.
“The one who got you out will be here tomorrow. Since it’s not your family, I have no idea who that might be. But well, you are not bought and you won’t be sold. You can stay if you want to,” she said at some point.
She looked at blood coming down into the nothingness, then she looked at her own body in the mirror. Funny, all the scars she had gotten came from when she was a prisoner; the war didn’t give her any. Yet, her body roughed up, she got stronger, faster, and more murderous. And she was tired.
“We don’t have enough towels, sorry,” she told him, getting out of the shower and giving him the one she used without peeking at him. She didn’t know that much about angelic culture, all she remembered from her previous life were human habits and demonic tortures. In those fields she was a specialist. “Do you have anything that should be taken care of? Any wound or something? If it’s not serious, it’d be better if you wait til tomorrow. I don’t have a strong antibiotic yet, and all the other angels are probably busy with the children.”
The antibiotic should have appeared on her skin and wings by now, but it didn’t, no one knew why. Some claimed that it’s because she had quite a difficult winging; some that it was because she was too young. Elisabeth claimed that it’s because she was killing all the time. But it didn’t matter, right? She didn’t need to heal. She had people for that.
Sometimes Emily thought that she should be ashamed of being naked, just as she did when she was human. Too many eyes had been laid on her when she was a demon’s prisoner; too many hands had touched her. She could not care. Sometimes Mack would approach her the way some men had approached her years ago. Sometimes she would approach him the same way. But all of this was thoughtless, emotionless, just to get rid of some pressure. Sex meant nothing to her now. She knew that killing destroyed something in her, something very precious, some part responsible for being alive.
OdpowiedzUsuń“I think there’ll be a place,” she said, just covering herself with wings. “Come, there’ll be some clothes in my room. I always keep some other clothes for angels like you.”
The hall was empty, so Emily without hesitation led Angus to her room.
It was big, the master’s bedroom. There stood a huge bed with columns, bedding was red, the pillows piled up. Emily smiled at the thought of getting into it. She had to finally rest. But first, she had to find a place for Angus, she also have to feed him. Then there would be time for everything.
“We don’t have beds that much. You can sleep here with me tonight, or you can go sleep with others. You can choose. But I guess you won’t be welcomed now,” she glimpsed at his wings. They may have been in terrible shape, but stll, they were white. The great majority here was brown-winged, tho they had several white-winged orphans. They were accepted just because they were children. “There are more pressing matters than beds, so… but you won’t sleep on the floor, don’t worry,” she added, opening a great wardrobe and taking some clothes from the highest shelf. “Try them.”
Then she reached for black top and black jeans. She didn’t care if he looked; she uncovered her scarred body and then put her clothes on. Then she showed him a table, already full of food. She sat down and took a big bowl of rice.
“But at least we have food,” she told him, smiling. She did not explain from where the food came though. How would he react if she told him that all of it was bought with the demon lady’s money? Emily once a week came to her, politely asked her to sign a check, and then bought everything that was needed. They had enough money to support themselves for a couple of years still. And of course they were setting farms all around the base so that in a few year time they would be able to grow all the food. Now, he needn’t know that, so Emily just sat and looked at him. “Don’t eat too much and too fast, you might get sick,” she reminded.
He could not hate her because he did know nothing about her.
She wasn’t surprised when it happened, but her stomach was used to all the nasty stuff of the world, so she really did not feel anything when he vomited. She would tell him where cleaning stuff was if he hadn’t been in such a state. She sighed.
OdpowiedzUsuń“No, don’t clean it. Leave it. I’ll clean up, it’s just food. Eat something. But don’t rush and not too much. You need to strengthen up, not throw up,” she told him, standing. Her wing was hurting; she felt it all the time, so she uncontrollably hid it behind. “Seriously, leave it. And eat. And go to sleep. I’ll find myself some place, especially that there’s probably still much to do. Go on,” she encouraged him, trying to smile even.
When she stood up and looked at his vomits, she saw really only food. His stomach was not really working; it didn’t even manage to digest any of this. She put some rice and some veggies into a clean bowl and then handed it to Angus. Then she took a broom from a corner, cleaned everything up, washed the floor at this one place with some cloth.
“I thought that royal angels shouldn’t swear,” she laughed, glimpsing at him while opening the windows. “The human royalty never swears. They are the elite, they can’t. Why are you angels the elite? Seriously it’s just the color of the wings?” she asked, leaning against the wall near to the table.
She observed him without talking. Six years ago she used to talk a lot, she used to chatter about everything. Talking, apparently, was a sign of good times. Now she was silent, listening, watching, and measuring everything in her own head. Not that no one would listen, Emily knew that her every word would be taken from her mouth and weighed by many. She just didn’t feel that words were exressing anything anymore.
OdpowiedzUsuń“It kinda does,” she spoke finally, looking through the window next to her. Some angels were playing in the air. She smiled to herself. Yeah, that was good, if someone was able to play it meant that the situation wasn’t that shitty. She was always so serious and downinig after fights. Just tired, she reminded herself. I don’t want to die normally; it’s just now, because I’m tired. “There are still some royal families, and they are still kinda wealthy. But they won’t help us. We’re just peasants for them. Very violent ones.”
She continued watching those angels in the air, so she didn’t even notice him approaching. The moment he touched her wing she stiffened. She looked at Angus and said, “Yeah, I’ll do it probably tomorrow.”
Tomorrow for her was like a promise. That one last bit of hope she could not reject. It simply meant that one day will not be that difficult, that one day she would stop hurting. Tomorrow – or one of the ‘tomorrow days’ – she would be able to sleep normally and eat without counting. She would laugh again the same way as earlier. And she would be not that tired as now.
Opening the wing, she noticed that she had an arrowhead stuck in it.
She wasn’t comfortable with him taking care of her wing, but she said nothing, especially that when he took out the arrowhead, she finally stopped feeling the pain. She said nothing though, no thank you or go to hell, she just missed him and got to the door.
OdpowiedzUsuń“Go finally to sleep,” she said at the end, not looking at him. “You are fucking weak, you have to fucking rest. Don’t go anywhere tho, people will eat you alive cuz you’re white. Sleep,” she commanded, taking the bin and walking out of the room.
She felt weird, silly, and she didn’t know why. This Angus or whatever they called him was weird; so innocent, so pure to the bone, but in a completely different manner than Elisabeth. She was bitchy for everybody who disagreed with her; he was helping her, Emily, who several hours ago told Clarice that Angus wasn’t that much important and if needed, he might have been left behind. And she wasn’t nice, she wasn’t pleasing him, she was harsh, and yet – he decided to help. Something she would have done several years ago. Something she did several years ago.
*
The rest of this day and the night Emily dreamt about Lily. Lily was the second angel caught by Jordan Primstone, the demon lady, and when she got caught she was only eleven. Emily didn’t understand why this pretty girl had pinkish endings of her feathers, but there was something pinkish about her personality – at least that was her own reasoning. Lily helped Emily, she freed herself and then freed Emily so that the latter one could start the small rebellion in the mansion. Lily didn’t survive, however, as at the very end, just when almost every demon was murdered, and Primstone was caged, she killed herself with the same gun Emily was now carrying around.
Waking up, she knew that would be a very difficult day. Lily came to her dreams only as a forecast of a very bad day.
*
On the next day, Emily went to see if Angus was in her own room. It was very close to the breakfast, so for the reasons of his safety she decided to go with him. The anti-royal sentiments were strong in the village, and Mack – Emily’s right hand – was the leader of this terrible movement.
“Hey,” she greeted him. “It’s usual that we always eat together outside. Wanna join us?”
She had her gun with her. No one else would carry a gun here besides her. But power enables you to do things others couldn’t. Emily sometimes thought about Hitler and how he, the Jewish painter, was able to almost exterminate all the other Jews.
[I added quite a lot of things to the mindmap about Emily, take a look if you want to :D]
UsuńShe wouldn’t have most probably not believed him if he had said that out loud. He had no idea what she had seen, what she had survived, what she had done in order to survive. Thinking ‘Okay, we should kill them’ would be silenced by Emily; she perceived it as immature. She didn’t want to destroy them. Murderous desires were not in her. She had even saved Primstone, only partially because of her money. Emily wanted freedom and peace, and if killing was just means of it – so be it. But what she had to do killed that humane part in her, she had known it since Lily had shot herself to death.
OdpowiedzUsuńShe smiled at him lightly, looking at his face. He looked better without blood covering his face and hair.
“Well, yes,” she agreed, glimpsing over his white feathers. Emily didn’t see Mack this day, but she was certain that he would be terrible.
She didn’t say anything more; she wasn’t accustomed to making people feel better with themselves. Instead, she just lead Angus to the gate and then to the big garden in which there were tables and chairs set. Food was being brought by non-wings and more and more angels were coming to the place. Mack had already been there, talking with Clarice. Emily nodded, seeing them, and then moved to one of the tables in the front.
“I don’t want you to be alone,” she lied. Obviously, she was trying to save his ass from being attacked. The group, even though quite angelic and with many pacific angels inside, was still quite difficult to manage. The majority was damaged one way or another, and pain always leads to aggression. Emily had to make sure that at least until the arrival of a mysterious payer, Angus would remain intact. “Don’t eat too much,” she reminded him. “You won’t see too many angels from the cave here today. For three weeks they are under quarantine cuz of possible diseases. Their food has to be rationed. You are here because you are my guest. If you decide to stay, tomorrow you will be with them,” she told him, looking at approaching Mack.
The brown-winged angel sat just in front of Angus and looked at him with disapproval. He said nothing though about the situation.
“One kid died yesterday,” he told Emily, taking one of the plates and looking where non-wings would be. “The rest is okay. We were early, the next day they were supposed to start dewinging.” He looked at Angus, at his wings, at his white feathers. “Just wondering, why haven’t they taken your wings in the first place? White wings are the best stock that there is. I would myself took them from you and nail them on my wall.” Mack looked at Emily.
She said nothing, playing with a knife.
[Yeah, it’s great :D Btw, who will be the person paying for Angus? I don’t want to create this part of the story :D]
[I think it might be a great idea. Ca you write me the something more on Hangouts on Gmail? If you don't know what those are, get on your e-mail and I'll write to you :D]
OdpowiedzUsuńEmily smirked, hearing Angus. He had the balls, apparently, talking like that to Mack. Or he was stupid. She glances over her lover and laughed, taking some food on her plate.
OdpowiedzUsuń“So happy that you will be so safe with your kin today,” said Mack.
“Oh, you haven’t been presented,” she reminded loudly, putting some baked beetroot on her plate. “Angus, this is Mack, my fellow striker, who is just as racist as your kin, but the other way around, you know, his all-but-whites policy implies that you are just worse.”
She looked at Mack. In his eyes she saw that he had already rejected her from his bed for at least a month. Proud brown beastie, she thought. But she couldn’t allow for this kind of shit that he sometimes was pulling off, especially that Angus wanted to stay.
“Mack, this is Angus, a royal angel, who yesterday helped us with freeing kids and right now sits here without talking shit, so fucking shut your mouth cuz I am not going to listen to this rubbish.” She was getting colder and colder. Mack looked her in the eyes and smiled, eating slowly. The power struggle was almost visible. “Oh yeah, and if Angus decides to stay he will stay. Do you have anything against it?”
Mack looked at the white angel and said nothing for a while.
“You are the leader,” he finally spoke.
“No, we agreed that everybody’s welcome, doesn’t matter what’s their wings color.” Emily looked at Angus. “We have a council here, it’s not only me. I am, just as Mack, a part of this council. And as a council we agreed that even royalty can be welcomed here, as long as you get rid of your title. You know, pro publico bono, or something. Oh, you won’t know,” she said. How could he know, he wasn’t human. He knew nothing about human traditions and culture. “We have here some sort of democracy. So you can stay if you want to.”
“He won’t like it here,” interrupted Mack, eating some lettuce.
“Mack,” warned him Emily.
“Kay, alright. But you know it will be like that.”
Emily was silent for a moment. Suddenly, Clarice sat next to her ad looked at Angus.
“Hey, Clarice, remember me?” she said, smiling. “What’cha doin?”
Mack ignored her.
“I was born in captivity, born to be eaten. And my parents were killed cuz they believed in this white winged shit. They gave their lives for some white dickheads who didn’t even bother remembering their names,” he said suddenly.
“Oh, I knew he would go with that,” Clarice said. “Ignore him. How are you? Do you like this place?”
Emily was sitting in between them, silent.
But I wrote you XD orkanbasia@gmail.com xD
UsuńHe wasn't planning to be mean to Mack, even though he was aware that the angel was prejudiced towards him. He had a bit of pacifism in his roots, that's why he didn't give him the brush-off at the very beginning. What's more, he wanted to make a good impression on everyone in the village and if he responded aggressively, he would never gain their trust. On the other hand, he found teasing Mack extremely funny, so as long as Mack wouldn't get angry, he was about to continue with his so-called jokes.
OdpowiedzUsuń"Pleased to meet you, Mack. I hope my white wings won't disturb you that much, because I'm actually planning to stay here" he said ironically, smiling rudely.
He wasn't sure whether he wanted to stay or not, but he found the idea of racism extremely childlish. He could understand that majority of royal angels were not keen on helping, but Mack couldn't get to know all of them. And generalising an angel just on the base of the colour of his or her wings was invalid in many ways. The more Mack was showing him the disapproval, the more Angus wanted to prove him wrong.
"Thank you. The title doesn't matter to me anymore. Not after my family was killed and my home destroyed" he said, trying to hide the sadness which was still present in his voice.
Even though already three months passed since that event, he still couldn't get over it. He was strongly attached to his parents, he lived with them his whole life and in a couple of minutes all he knew, all he loved was taken away from him. He didn't even want to go back to where he used to live anymore. He left his memories there and only staying away from that place he managed to sometimes keep them away.
He was still impressed by the power Emily had over all angels in the village. It was extremely rare that a single person managed to keep together this number of creatures. Yes, she had people who helped her, but if it wasn't because of her, the whole movement would fall apart.
"Leave it to me, Mack, whether I will like it or not andI understand that you, but I wasn't responsible for that so please, keep your prejudice away for a while" he responded and immediately turned his head towards Clarice who just came nearby.
"Yes, it's very... peaceful" he stated, but after a while he realised that "peaceful" was the most incorrect adjective he might have used. "I mean, I'm impressed by how big this place is".
He got to like Clarice. She was cold-blooded, but he didn't know nothing about her so far, so he kept his judgments extremely shallow.
Mack wanted to say something, but Emily took finally his hand and held it for a while. It wasn’t gentle, it wasn’t also hard, there was some superficial about it. But Mack went silent suddenly and he nodded to Emily. After a couple of minutes, he got up and flied away, to another table, where some other angels from his anti-royalty group were sitting.
OdpowiedzUsuń“Nah, big or not, we got like… 300 angels, right?” Clarice looked at Emily. Emily agreed. “I mean, grown-ups. But there are more than seventy kids now, since the last raid.”
“What about Tim? Is he okay? I’ve heard somebody shot through his wing,” asked Emily, changing the topic suddenly.
“Yeah, it looks nasty, but Elisabeth says it’ll be okay. Though he won’t be with us the next time most probably.” Clarice looked at Angus and then she continued, “And Minnie says that the demon owner who got there after blowing up the cave almost did boom!”
Emily smiled. “Why? Cuz of our small surprise?”
“Yeah, she told me that was the last of his farms, he’s broke.”
“Good, good,” said Emily.
After Clarice went away, some other angels started talking to Emily. In an hour with her and Angus there were at least twelve different angels, winged and not, talking about yesterday’s raid. Emily finally got up and looked at Angus.
“You can do whatever you want. I need to check the sick. If you want to, you can go to those from the farm, it’s the third building, the one with flowers on the roof. You should rest some time,” she said, looking at him.
Well, she didn’t tell him the number, because then he would have to answer more questions about all of those, and that was unacceptable. Emily never talked about those that fell; they were covered with her silence as a sign of respect. Or maybe because it was too difficult to talk about death, especially that everything started with Lily.
OdpowiedzUsuńShe shouldn’t have thought about her. Fuck. But that day was supposed to be bad.
“They will learn,” Emily said, looking at the kid who instantly withdrew. She didn’t notice even that children were afraid of her just as they would be afraid of demons. For them, she was just like the oppressors, at least at that moment. “Come, I’ll show you those that were freed a year ago.”
They left the room and then took a long hallway. Emily turned twice right and then met with a dozen or so of small angels. She smiled at them and they nodded to her or greeted her, but generally they were busy playing with each other.
“Hey, Emily,” said one small angel without an eye, “Who’s that? Why does he have white wings?”
More angels looked at Angus at this moment. Emily smiled at Sophie and said,
“It’s just color. There aren’t that many angels with white wings anymore. Angus is one of them, simply,” she said, not mentioning even that he was a royal angel. Children weren’t supposed to know everything.
“Oh, okay, nice to meet ya,” said the girl and then trotted away.
Emily looked at the man and explained, “A year ago they couldn’t talk. Some had no wings yet, not fully grown. Sophie lost her eye, because some fucker decided to eat it while she was still alive. But they’re okay,” she said, and then looked at Angus. “In most cases, time heals.”
She knew that she was immune to this healing method. Lily didn’t blend into her memory, she was still a strong image. So how was she supposed to forget all the faces of death, if nothing, even time, was able to blur them?
Listening to his reaction, Emily felt nothing. He reacted just as she had reacted back then, when everything had made any sense. She remembered as if it had been yesterday the moment of truth: when Mack had told her what had been happening on those farms, and when she had finally experienced it. She herself was a prisoner in here, in this mansion, never on a farm. She had reacted with hatred, pure in its form, and cried, and killed, and murdered everything that had anything to do with demons. But after some time, the rage started to wear off. And now she felt nothing. Maybe she had seen too much to feel anything at all.
OdpowiedzUsuń“I sleep well,” she responded, smiling to herself. “I kill better tho.”
The answer was simple, killing enabled her to sleep. She wouldn’t be able without it. But bringing some sort of punishment was giving hope, even if naïve, that not everything was forgiven. Even if she knew that nothing made any sense anymore, that the sense was lost after a number of victims, and the hollowness took her soul over and turned it into non-existence, she felt good with killing. That was her remedy. And that was why everybody really hated her for twisting everything that angels had even represented.
“But not everyone can. Elisabeth cries a lot, you met Elisabeth yesterday. We had several suicides, some in the caves. You have basically several options. You either know the truth and develop some mechanisms to deal with it, or you try to hide. But if you want to choose the other option, tell me. I don’t have problems with shooting those who want to die. It’s better that way than cleaning after a suicide. You always make it so messy.”
Saying this, she looked at him with nothingness in her eyes. She had never had to do it; she knew she would be able to do it. Maybe because of Lily; maybe because of the bigger picture. Killing somebody was a better option for another reason, tho. She could have always pretended that she had known nothing and that it was the demons’ action. Hatrd was what brought them all together.
“Narcissist assholes,” she ended.
The children were flying in front of her and she was smiling to them.
She smiled again, but gently. The children were playing in the air, when she started moving outside. She had to talk with Elisabeth, and she, just like any other British angel, hated human architecture.
OdpowiedzUsuń"So, now you want to leave us?" she asked.
Elisabeth was teaching young angels how to fly, so Emily sat down nearby and waited. She didn't want to interrupt, especially that some of them had difficulties due to physical problems with wings. Breaking the concentration wouldn't help,. it would take away some of their confidence.
"Elisabeth does not know everything, you know," Emily said. "I never tell her. I know that children tell her those stories, how those demons took their eyes out and other. So maybe she knows more stories. But I never tell her. She cries a lot," she explained another coping mechanism. "Mack loads into this silly movement of his, and Clarice... Clarice is the sociopath here, so she just exercises anger. You will find your own one day."
The woman surrounded Angus with one of her wings. "It's pretty windy here, I don't want you to get sick," she said. "They wouldn't pay for you that much then," she added without thinking that Angus might have taken it as a truth, not as a joke.
One of the small angels four-year old one, Timmy, had one wing bigger and one smaller., both were in a pretty nice shade of brown. Emily smiled at him and then waved him. The boy instantly flew to her and hugged her, but being reminded that the lesson continues, he flew back to the group.
"You know that if you stay you will have to reject all of your royal stuff? The title, money, everything?" she asked seriously. "Normally if somebody wants to stay we just assess him and give him some job. With you it would be different. Your home will be ours then," she explained. "If you are still thinking about it, ask. Cuz a lot may change if you decide to stay. Just because of your wings."
"I'm joking, darling. I don't need your money. I don't need their money. It's just that they always come and try to buy me. No royal angel came and said, 'Help to save our child' or someone. They always buy my support. And then they treat me like a whore who did her job and should be paid. So I'm joking. But yeah, I still don't want you to get sick, you're too weak to be sick."
OdpowiedzUsuńShe didn't know if it made any sense, but she didn't really care. Whether he understood or not, it wasn't of any importance, the thing was that he had to work hard in order to stay. Emily wasn't a type who wanted to be liked, she wanted to get her work done. That's why Elisabeth hated and respected her simultaineously. They might have had their differences, but still, both were saving angels from terrible fates.
"It's just a mirror move, don't you see?" she asked. "Your kin treat us like shit, we treat you like shit. I mean, I don't care what color your wings are, cuz if you work you are good. We even had a demon here, I mean on our side, but he decided to work from outside, cuz he couldn't get anyone but me on his side. But others, they are biased. You shouldn't really be surprised, you know," Emily looked at Angus and smiled, "you still think I went to that cave to get money. You still think I do it all for the money. Just like a royal angelw would think."
At this moment Elisabeth ended her lesson and came to Emily. She greeted Angus and smiled.
"Two dead," she said, sitting nearby. "I think they might be sick, cuz the first one died with blood cough, and the second the same. But unless I know what it is..."
"Give them broad-spectrum antibiotics," said Emily. "All of them. I'll get back here after I talk to Rufus. Rufus takes care of all the other angels from yesterday," she explained to Angus.
"It's bad, Emily. That's a shame that Mimi got killed..."
Emily said nothing. Her face said everything: she didn't like when someone was regretting something. Mimi was a specialist in angelic diseases, but instead of working with the sick, she wanted to fight and got killed in the very first liberation. Since then, no one really knew what was happening to those angels and Elisabeth as well as Rufus were giving them anything in hope that it'd do the work.
"Okay. Separate them from the healthy ones, and then separate sick from the healthy within the new group. We don't want it to spread," Emily said.
"Done already."
"Good."
Emily stood up, looked at Angus and said, "Come on. You can be sick as well, we need to transport you to your group. Sorry, but I can't risk everything."
"I always need money. But I never ask for it," she explained. For her, the topic was finished, she didn't want ti discuss how his kin behaved. Really, that was just some trash talking.
OdpowiedzUsuńWhen he said something about tuberculosis, Emily looked at Angus. She studied him for a little while, thinking hard. She probably studied something about it, but tuberculosis might have been different for humans. So she stopped wondering if any of this made any sense.
"Okay. We don't really have any other option," she said to Elisabeth, even though she saw doubt in her mien. "Do as he says. Separate the kids. But first... will it help you to look at those who died? Or at those living?" she asked Angus.
Then probably still hadn't buried the child, so Angus still had a chance to take a glimpse.
"Do as he says," Emily was deadly serious. "Give them the best food we have and take them outside. Take them to our Little Hat. You will spend some time there, okay? I'll get some angels to help you with everything. How is this tuberculosis transmitted? We don't want anyone to get sick."
She looked at him, saying nothing. For a minute or two she would calculate everything: the amound of food, the path, what to tell Mack and who to name her leader or, in case everything went wrong, her successor. After that, she looked at Elisabeth and commanded:
OdpowiedzUsuń"Take all the children from yesterday with you to the house. I'll get masks, Angus will help me with the food." When Elisabeth went inside the house, Emily turned to Angus. "You're most probably sick, you spent more time with those children. I can be sick too. We'll get the food and the masks, but then we have to go with them. But firstly, I need to talk to Rufus."
Soon, they had the food, and Rufus promised to observe all the angels, but since none of them had any symptomps throughout the night, it was quite possible that not one of them got sick. Mack was mad upon hearing the bad news, but Emily stopped him from getting Angus killed as it was not really the fault of this one particular angel; it was just a condition. He promised to make something up when it came to Emily's disappearance. And then, they flew off.
"I'll make the food," Elisabeth said and then she went into the small house. Some children wanted to go after her, but Emily stopped them. She saw fear in their eyes, but said nothing.
"Here's your mask," she said, giving Angus a packaged mask. "They're human. Humans wear them cuz their towns and cities are really dirty," she explained.
"I'm fine," was the ultimate answer.
OdpowiedzUsuńShe felt dizzy and sweaty, but she would not say that out loud; leaders were not permitted to be sick, at least in Emily's opinion. Mack used to say that she should sometimes have shown any signs of weakness, because that sole power was making her a robot in others' eyes, but Emily never agreed to that. She simply was afraid that if she had broken once, she would have started breaking one after another.
"Just tired," she said.
But when she spread her wings out, she suddenly felt so much pain that she fell. It was excruciating and worse than any of her nightmares, as if someone had stuck her wing in a mortar and started to crush it. She was breathing heavily, totally paralyzed because of it, and soon she started shivering. Something was wrong. Has someone hit her with something? What the fuck has happened?
She looked at her wing and saw a small angel girl touching the place she had gotten an arrow in; she was forcing her finger into it. Emily tried to say something to her, but the girl would push and push, so strongly that she finally got thought the skin, and then the muscles, and through the bone, well on the other side. She smiled and looked at Emily.
"Who would say you would be so stupid?" asked the girl, smiling and covering herself with her pinkish wings.
Then she disappeared from Emily's eyes. The wing was okay but the yesterday's wound started to bleed.
Mack looked at this fucker with rage in his eyes.
OdpowiedzUsuń"Shut the fuck up," he answered, and then took his wing in one of his hands. It was violent and it was supposed to hurt. "Where?"
He flew right away in the direction pointed by Angus and then took Emily in his arms, and held her tightly. He refused to take her back to the headquarters tho. As good as he knew her, he was certain that she would kill him for doing this. Thus, he brought her inside the hut.
Then, he looked at her wing. "Fuckers," he murmured, looking at the wound. "She always does this, stupid bitch," he added, and then stood up. "Beth, help her," he commanded.
"I can't," the angel woman said and then coughed several times. "I am sick, the kids are as well. It's probably better that I don't come close. But Angus..."
Mack looked at the royal fucker and raised his eyebrows.
"I won't risk it," he said. "He's not going to do anything. Who can take care of her?"
"Rufus, but he might be sick too," answered Elisabeth. "Mack, you can't do anything, he can. Can you?" she turned to Angus.
Mack was just standing there when Emily awakened. She looked terrible with those pale lips and pale skin, and without the typical mien. But when she finally tried to rise and failed at this, he lowered down his guard as he really didn't know anything about those diseases. If this fucker knew this, he had to allow him to act.
OdpowiedzUsuń"I'll bring some," he said and then disappeared.
While he was gone, Emily tried hard to stand up. She was looking at the pale girl in the corner all the time, couldn't tho make the sense of her existence. Lily was dead, she was fucking rotting in the ground for the past several years. How was it possible that she was just standing there, all alive, laughing without voice?
"I see her," she said to Angus, not knowing who he really was, "I see her. But she is dead. Am I dead or just dying? Tell me the truth, I can bear it, I can bear that she came for me, but just don't fuck with me."
When Mack got back with alkohol, he instantly took Emily's hands in his and tried to calm her down. Elisabeth had returned to chldren by this time.
"It'll be okay," he said to Emily.
"Lily's here," she said to him.
"Emily, she can't be here," he said, kissing her fingers.
"I see her."
"She can't be here, stop it."
Emily went silent and looked at Angus. Then she closed her eyes.
"Leave me alone, you fucker, or I'll fucking destroy you, you hear me? I will kill you if you touch my wings. Leave them, you understand? You will not fucking cut them off," she said slowly, and then moved violently on the bed.
Mack looked at Angus and then held her hands stronger. But whatever he said, she wouldn't listen.
Mack stood anf held her. She looked at him, starting to push away hands, screaming and trying to bite, screaming her lungs off, but Mack's wings came in with great strength. Emily could not fight him, especially in that state. So she was just shouting her warnings and curses, but she could not bring her punishment.
OdpowiedzUsuńWhen the wound was cleared and wrapped in cloth, she stopped screaming, as no one besides Mack was touching her. In his arms she fell asleep, breathing normally, though she was still shivering from the temperature. Mack looked at Angus and said nothing.
Emily woke mup several hours later. She rose and looked around, feeling weakness in her arms and legs. She couldn't move her wings almost at all, so she stood up and fell instantly. Looking around, she found a chair, so she leaned on it and tried to get up. What the fuck has happened? Why couldn't she move her wings? And why was the world so dizzy?
"Mack," she whispered, remembering his lips on her fingers. Where was he? Was he ok?
She got somehow to the door and tried to open it, but it was closed. The window, she thought, and started the walk towards it, trying simultaineously to free her own wings. She had to fly to find him, right?
"Where am I?" she asked, looking at him. She was still leaning against the chair, as her body was still weak. The spirit was rising cuz of this weakness, Emily was determined even more than normally. "What happened? And why am I going to bleed?"
OdpowiedzUsuńShe looked savage: her face was pale, but lips were red from biting them. She was also stark raving mad, as she got to Angus somehow and pushed him against the wall. Aggressive, angry, out of control, she had to regain power in one way or another.
"What the fuck is going on?" she asked. "And I am still being polite. Tell me before I'll fucking hurt you."
She observed him for a while, trying to figure out whether he was lying or not. She then looked at her wing, tied and bandaged. The pain was terrible, but no one would hurt her wings on a farm or, worse, in captivity, they would be too precious. This guy also was not an alien, Emily knew his smell and his voice, though the name escaped her memory. Logic helped her to calm down.
OdpowiedzUsuńShe leaned towards him, suddenly weak. She sighed and closed her eyes. Then she tried to stand up normally, but her legs would not work. Fuck, she was in a terrible state. Maybe that is why she trusted him; she had no other option. Fighting for freedom would be just naive, she could not spare any strength for a fight.
"Okay," she said finally. "Where is Mack? I want to see him. When will he be here?"
She would have laughed at herself if she hadn't been so weak. But now, she had nothing else on her mind but the safety of her people.
"I need to get back to work," she said, trying to stand on her own. The wings were heavy, heavier than she remembered. "We have an epidemic and I want to check the kids..."
"My life back," she said. She wanted to sit at least, but everything flew before her eyes like a small torpedo angel. Everything was in circles. "Fuck him, then." She placed her hand on her forehead, touched the towel, and then looked at the sitting angel. She sighed.
OdpowiedzUsuńEverything was coming back. The children and how they acted in disease. How Angus was trying to help; how he asked them about their health. Elisabeth was even a little bit jealous, which made Emily laugh. Angus didn't understand. She was feeling terribly, but she still laughted. And then came the pain... Emily couldn't tell what happened next. Something had to, but she had no idea what. She remembered only that Mack was there.
"How's the kids?" she asked. "Are they better? Do I have the same sickness? How many died?"
"I won't need any help," she responded immidiately, looking at him and drinking water he brought. She wasn't going to refuse his treatment, especially that it seemed to be working, but she would never agree to being a victim who waits for help. Emily was the one who brought help with her, not the other way around. "But you can keep me company."
OdpowiedzUsuńIt was quite unusual, she knew, but she hated being alone. She spend several months in loneliness, locked away from the world and the rest of the world. This demon bitch did everything to break her spirit, as the spirit was not really the most appreciated thing on the farm. Even though it was impossible to kill this small flare of hope, Emily was afraid of being alone. Memories always came back when she was alone. And as a person who rarely kept in touch with the past, she just could not stand those images and voices.
"Where did you study medicine?" she asked. "How do angels, royal of course, study?"
She was listening just because she had nothing else to do. Or maybe, she just thought that. She wanted to believe that she didn't give a crap about his life, but all in all, he was just like her: an outcast forced to live in one place without real freedom. But maybe after liberation he didn't know that. So she was interested, just a tiny little bit.
OdpowiedzUsuń"To a human one, yes," she said, looking at the ceiling. "Many angels are left behind when their parents are killed. So quite possibly my parents were eaten before I could even remember their faces. I was an orphan." Emily looked at Angus. "I didn't know there were schools for angels. From royal families only, I s'pose?"
She sighed heavily, and turned her body to Angus. She measures him with her eyes and then closed them.
"How big is your house?" she asked. She didn't want to talk about business, but it was quite obvious that his house would probably be a great headquarters for another village. Emily was thinking about establishing a new one soon in the future. "Could you fly normally? I was always wondering how it was to be an angel kid."
It wasn't easy for her, getting better. Several times she argues with Mack about the policies in the vilage, more often she argued about everything else. Both would say words that should not be said, and then they would have sex. Sometimes just five minutes were enough to get them started again, with feathers even flying in the air. He wasn't violent towards her, she was violent towards him, though. It was even more irritating that he was so strong and he felt nothing cuz of her condition.
OdpowiedzUsuńThe rest of days Emily spent with children, Elisabeth and Angus. She didn't like it, but while children made her roll over her eyes, Elisabeth made her angry, Angus was the only one who would bring some peace, especially after heated meetings with Mack. She talked to him about daily things, about the village, she even told him how she met all her companions. After several days she decided to tell him about the first liberation and how she lost almost a half of her angels just because they weren't prepared. Everything without seemingly any emotions.
One day, when Mack flied away just after an argument, sex and an argument, Emily decided to take a walk. She was getting better, her wing was working properly; however, she and Mack came to conclusion that it would look better if she returned with the children. She sat near the kids and looked at them.
"Do you want kids?" she asked suddenly. "I know you want to check my wing, but it can wait, right?"
"If we won't make children, there won't be anyone who can take care of the next generations," said Emily, glancing at Angus every few seconds. She was smiling lightly, as if it was not a problem for her. Indeed, it was. Kids were still afraid of her, even though she had spent with them the past days. The odour of death was following her and the kids apparently could tell that easily.
OdpowiedzUsuńShe smiled again, listening to his advice.
"Well, are we ever over the hump?" she asked, taking one of his hands in her and holding it close. "And I'm not going to say it ever again, so listen. Thank you for everything. Okay? I said it," she looked at him, then away, then again at him. "I know that no one else but the kids will tell you that, but I had to. You did a great job, saving them, saving me. I would be probably over the hump for ever if it wasn't for you."
She then looked at him and sighed, and kissed him on his cheek.
"You're good, even though Mack says differently. Don't listen to him. He needs time."
Emily held his hand gently. It was weird; she had been holding hands like that in high school maybe. And even though she wasn’t a romantic type, it was just sweet. Friendly gesture, she hoped.
OdpowiedzUsuńYet, Emly had to admit that she also grew attached to him, but mostly because they were outside the main village and Elisabeth wasn’t really a good talker for Emily. It was quite visible that the women almost hated each other, and that’s why children really avoided Emily. She didn’t seem to mind, though, as she had Angus. His innocence, as well as naïve belief that he could help and desire to do so made Emily just trusting. She had lost those superpowers long ago, so she had to admire Angus for his spirit.
And once she even thought that she would not allow anyone to take it from him.
“I am always alone,” she said, looking at kids. “Those who have any sort of power should never have children. I mean, biological or adopted. Their responsibilities are their families, especially in hard times. So I am always alone and I am never alone.” She smiled. It was maybe a little bit complicated and might have seemed as is Emily was trying to convince herself that was the right decision, but she really believed in her logic. Having family, she would never be able to sacrifice her life, happiness and will for the Liberation. Turning the Liberation into her family, she suddenly became the one who could lead the angels. So nothing was free of charge.
Emily laughed hard when Angus said something about Mack and children, but stopped as Angus’ hand slipped away from her hand. She looked at his palm, at his fingers, and did not comment. It was too rapid and too violent for this sweet boy. She said nothing, though, as it was not really important, at least she wanted to believe in that.
“Well, we ain’t gonna have kids,” she said instantly, looking at Angus. “Not too many angels know that, but really we don’t even like each other. At least that’s what I suspect is on his side as well. He’s a good soldier and a good friend, I mean, you can trust him as long as you’re not royal, but there’s nothing more. He’s quite violent, brutal, and… you probably think we’re terrible,” she said, laughing.
She had no courage to tell him that she was broken, and such things as love or fidelity meant nothing for her.
She glimpsed at Angus and smiled, and then she looked in the sky. She would do quite a lot to be able to fly again. Even though leadership was difficult and tiring, she still wanted to be there for them. Especially that there was an epidemic.
OdpowiedzUsuń“No, we just sleep together sometimes,” she said, exposing herself to the sun. “Nothing more. Sometimes you need it, just to remember that you still can get tired not from killing. I hope you won’t know that feeling, though. I mean, you probably won’t.”
She was silent for a minute or two, thinking. And when she looked at Angus, she said seriously: “I want you to be the doctor in the village.”
That was big, because with his agreement he would be not only a part of the movement, but also he would have a strong position as the only medicine man. Of course, everything that he owned as a royal angel would be taken away, but then Mack would never be able to try even to control him. Angus didn’t know yet what it meant probably, but for Emily it was huge. It was even bound to stir moods in the village. But he saved those kids, didn’t he? Why shouldn’t he get a house under his wings?
“I’ll be watching over you for a couple of months, but in fact you will be left alone t do whatever you think is best. You will be sorta like Elisabeth, meaning you will get your own house and angels to help you. But you won’t be able to help me at all, I mean, all the leaders are not allowed to be a part of another unit. So you won’t fight just as Elisabeth or Rufus.”
„Finally,” she responded immediately, moving her wing a little bit, when Angus touched it.
OdpowiedzUsuńThen she turned to him. Because he was behaving weird every time she was half-naked in his presence, she covered herself with her t-shirt. Unlike Elisabeth, she wasn’t much of a fan of the typical, traditional angel-clothing. Normally she made holes in old t-shirts she ‘borrowed’ from the cities, but lately she was too weak to do so, so she had to wear what Elisabeth made for her. And since those clothes either covered you up or left you naked, Emily was forced to cover herself. And she wasn’t really happy because of it.
“And finally, we’re going back home, I don’t want to know what Mack did there, probably some sort of military camp,” she laughed, and then examined Angus closely. She took his hand and smiled, and then, just for the observation, interlaced their fingers. She felt a little bit guilty, because she knew that he probably never was with a woman, but she had to know for sure. She was always testing angels around her, but not in the most obvious ways. Even now this test was both gratitude and an examination. “You’re really good with hurt things,” she said quietly, smiling.
She was curious, really. Angus wasn’t like all the other angels. Maybe it was royalty in him, maybe this gentleness, and maybe he was just special. Neertheless, Emily wasn’t much of a fighter around him. At least she didn’t feel she had to be a fighter.
She giggled almost like a small girl, if it wasn’t for her scars, of course. Then she looked at Angus, smiling, and bit her lip. He was just so… deliciously innocent. As if the world he was living in was still gentle and good, not this bloody-driven world in which Emily lived. But it was good that he existed. His existence made Emily feel something. And maybe blush a little bit, cuz suddenly with him closeness wasn’t just about sex. It was sometimes about everything, and nothing, and about emotions. Mack never gave her anything but orgasms.
OdpowiedzUsuń“Yeah…” she said, lurking deep in his eyes. Then she took the free hand and touched his lips with just the tips of her fingers. She sled a little bit. “Sometimes…”
Emily looked at their fingers, at their hands. Then she looked at him again. She would like to bite his lip, she suddenly felt. She would like to feel his arms around her waist, and keep him close forever. He was just so… delicious and crunchy, and sweet, and savory in his innocence. Emily could not stop herself. She had to touch him. And she did, she brushed his face with her nails.
“Do you want me to warm up your fingers?” she asked quietly. “Cuz they’re cold,” she added, movng herself so that she was even closer.
„Now I’m not cold anymore.”
OdpowiedzUsuńShe felt chills on her skin, coming from her toes to her breasts, and she bit her lip again. Closeness wasn’t something different and alien to her, yet she had not felt this kind of closeness for a long time. It was so pure, so innocent, as if they weren’t animals taking care of their lust. It was something more. And Emily was blushing, was looking at him, and did not take initiative because of those. She was just enchanted for a minute or two.
She looked at his wings and feathers, not weak and sparse anymore, and she moved towards them, o that soon his feathers were touching her body. Soon she did the same, with similar gentleness and care, so that everything took more time that she would imagine. It wasn’t cold anymore at all; her wing wasn’t hurting anymore at all. She sighed quietly.
“What now?” she asked quietly, and then out her arm on his neck. She grazed his neck with her nails, brushed his hair a little bit, and then looked at his lips, and his nose, and finally in his eyes.
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OdpowiedzUsuńShe smiled, and then moved towards him even more. She leaned against his body, closed her eyes, and sighed. She needed nothing more, but this moment, some privacy, some closeness without any expectations. Angus in his naïve innocence was just a perfect match for her, at least for now. She smiled a little bit, and then took their hands and kissed them slowly.
OdpowiedzUsuń“I am resting,” she said, smiling.
She knew that it was too much for him probably, but she didn’t care. She needed some normal feelings, even if they were lies; it was quite obvious that had they been attacked, she would have protected Angus, not the other way around. But it didn’t matter, really. He could be weak. Maybe she needed him to polarize her own weaknesses.
“Do you mind it?” she asked after a while, looking at Angus. “Cuz if you mind it, we can just go.”
A hint of her own uncertainties. She felt weirdly emotional, asking about that. Egoism wanted to use Angus, to make him be there for her, but she couldn’t force him to care. She didn’t want to tell herself lies, even if they were sweet as strawberries.
She suddenly wanted to sob. This shouldn’t have happened at all, this... this was outrageous. Emily couldn’t believe he would do something like that, and even more, that she would act like that. She needed a breath of freedom from this ambiguity, from those feelings that apparently found their tracks and arrived at Emily’s subconscious’ doors with the desire to get in. But they brought no happiness; they gifted Emily with tears.
OdpowiedzUsuńShe looked at him for a long moment, and then did the same – just touched his lips, and then she kissed him gently. She would never imagine she possessed the ability to be that gentle, and that scared her. She opened her eyes and then slowly moved away. She should’ve broken this intimacy long ago.
“Yes,” she said, and then returned her wings to her body. Soon she stood up, looking at the horizon, and freeing Angus’ hand. She made one step, two steps, until she was finally free from him, and sighed. But she still felt this intimacy on her skin, as if the distance did nothing.
Then she opened her wings. It would be the best if she could fly away right now.
That would be romantic and beautiful, if the feelings really ame back. Emily stopped them, though. She didn’t need them, they really had to go away. Even though she knew she would never cry over dead angels, she could not care deeply for somebody or fall in love, as that would destroy her hen the loved one fell dead. And that finally had to happen. She herself was prepared for the death that was bound to come after her. She was too daring for death to let her live.
OdpowiedzUsuń“It’s fine,” she said, not looking at him. She still felt his white feathers on her, and desired more. Sexual appetite, she wanted it to be, just some sexual longing. Then she could deal with it. “It should be me who walks you home, tho,” she admitted and smiled, and then poked him in his arm. “But okay, if you are up to make some more minutes of walking, then okay.”
So, what was he thinking? What was on his mind? Why did he do it? Emily couldn’t believe that Angus would be as stupid as to try to seduce her just a few minutes after he learnt that Emily and Mack were not a real thing. Was is some sort of a scheme? But why? And if it wasn’t, then what? Emily had no idea what royal angels’ policies on relationships were, she had to find out. Without it, Angus was still a riddle.
She couldn’t go after him. She simply couldn’t. Her legs were too weak to do it. If it wasn’t for this, she would probably run to him, hug him, and then take him to her room, and slept in his arms. She needn’t sex, she just needed someone as pure as a daisy. But maybe it was better that she decided to stay, as she herself was the wind who would pick up this one weak daisy and killed it in a moment of passion.
OdpowiedzUsuń*
When they retutned, life in the village wasn’t that much changed. Mack invented in some military training of her people, but she wasn’t against it as long as it wasn’t racially prejudiced. The angels from the latest raid started to assimilate and were even helping, some of them being incorporated into certain units. The very first decision Emily made after getting back was granting Angus his own unit, despite Mack’s fury. But the healthy children and the fact that Emily came out of her sickness alive were enough to silence any voices of opposition.
Since then, Emily didn’t see Angus that much. She observed him sometimes from her window, but as the health unit was opened, he had quite a lot of work. Angels weren’t sick in the village, but they just needed someone to talk and accept their weaknesses, cuz while they were still alive, Emily always wanted them to be strong. Angus gave them permission to feel sorry for those they had lost.
One day, a messenger came. He was a royal angel, wearing great golden robes, his feathers embellished with golden thread. His skin was dark as plain chocolate; he hd great posture, as if he was forged out of stone. His face was clean, looking young, with no mark on it, however it was quite obvious that he had to be at least fifty years old.
Emily flew instantly to him, and in a minute or two she a huge group surrounded them. She thought that she looked like a village girl meeting a prince. But she wasn’t afraid. Maybe just a little shocked.
“I am Maedoc of Galloway family. I come here on behalf of my family in seek for refuge. Are you Emily, the leader of the Liberation?”
Mack flew to them and looked at Maedoc with pure hatred. He said nothing, but his hand was on his scythe. She saw in his face that he was ready to kill.
“Yes. We will not talk here,” she decided, looking at Mack. Then she said to him quietly, “Find Angus and bring him to me. Find all the leaders of units and bring them to me. If anyone else comes, give them water and treat them well,” she commanded, and then looked at Maedoc. “I will talk with you inside, but because you are new to this place, you have to give away all of your weapons, if you have any.”
Emily instantly looked at Angus. It was weird, seeing him after such a while, and she felt a little bit out of control for a moment. For a couple of milliseconds she thought of their kiss: several seconds that she stole from the world just to feel something. His presence for a minute or so made her uncomfortable, she wanted him to go. But as the leader, she could not have those feelings. So she hid them under everything that she believed she believed in, under pillows of strength, and again looked at Maedock.
OdpowiedzUsuńShe led him to her headquarters, to a huge room with nothing inside. Earlier there was a big wooden table, but now it stood outside under a tent in which everybody ate every day. The pictures were taken from the walls, leaving light marks in places they were hanging. No chairs beside one. Emily did not invite the angel to sit down, though. She observed him closely.
“I am not a bitch whom you can pay to get what you want,” she said in a calm manner, but the threat was audible. She would leave them to die with guilt, but she would do so if necessary. “Where do you hide? Is it far? When and where did the demons attack? How many dead and hurt?” she asked, looking Maedock in the eyes. Once somebody told her that for a woman, she had far too many masculine traits. It struck her that she had them too many even for an angel. They all were just weak feminine idiots. “And why do you think you won’t survive outside without my help? And if you think so, why do you think that after some time it’ll get better?”
It was quite simple: because Emily was freeing angels, demons decided to attack more just to keep farms working. Without them, without meat, they were losing money, so risky operations on free angels became the only way. She was mad, but not on Maedock, he was a royal jerk, not the first and not the last. She was mad, because people were getting killed because of her mission. Fuck.
“Try harder to convince me, because right now I don’t really care for your asses,” she said.
She did not dare look at Angus. He was probably standing there, the only royal angel in the whole village, listening to Emily being willing to let some angels go and die.
She rolled her eyes. He behaved just like all the others had behaved, with those beautiful words and submissive gestures. But just like the others, they would not accept living inside the movement, they would reject this way of life. So yes, they wanted to survive, but not as a part of survivors, but as a leech.
OdpowiedzUsuń“You’re not the first to treat me as a mercenary, probably not the last one,” she answered, trying to be calm. But this attitudes towards her were driving her mad. She knew that even if granted safety, they would still perceive the whole movement as a mistake. Fuckers.
“I will protect you, if you need to, for a week, but only if you will learn how to use weapons and give me the right to all of your mansions and lands, and everything that’s inside,” she said coldly. The price was high, but it was their life they were bargaining for, so Emily wanted to use the situation. She always needed land, and money for the medicine, wood, clothes, simply everything. And those royal angels wouldn’t need the money if they are dead, she thought. “You will work just as everybody else does, and your children will stay here after you leave. Cuz they are still not indoctrinated that much. You know that you will not save them outside, they will die first. You have a slight chance, they don’t. So they will stay with me.”
At this moment the rest of the leaders showed up. Emily looked at them, and then at Maedock.
“So what’s the decision?”
“You sentence them to death, then,” Emily responded with a sharp note in her voice. “You will not save them out there if you have to beg me for haven. Think about it. You weren’t able to save yourselves, how are you going to protect them if you don’t want to fight? The demons won’t stop just because you would like them to do so. And the children will most probably end up dead or as a livestock on a farm. Here they got a chance to survive. Are you really willing to risk their lives?”
OdpowiedzUsuńShe looked at Mack, who was observing the royal angel with pure hatred in his eyes. He then said, “He is too stupid to understand.” Another angel smirked. Rufus, an elderly black-winged angel, said nothing, but Emily saw in his face that he was against the whole idea. He would like the whole group to be accepted.
“Well, this is my proposition and I am probably not going to change my mind,” Emily said after a while. She then turned to Clarice, “Make sure he goes away without taking any food or water. If they are too proud to survive, let them die.”
She laughed. This sort of nonsense killed so many angels that she didn’t even believe it was possible to count them. She turned to Maedock, and then replied:
OdpowiedzUsuń“It’s better to die with even a slight belief that you did everything you could. It’s better to die knowing that you were responsible for somebody. It’s better to die not eaten.”
Then she turned to Clarice with the same wild, savage smile on her lips. She looked at her and nodded her head in Maedock’s direction. Agile angel in a split second was behind the royal one, holding a knife to his throat. Some leaders of the units were shocked, but Emily remained calm.
“Mack, I want you to prep a group who will go and find his family,” she commanded. “I will go with you in twenty minutes. We have to hurry.” Then she looked at Elisabeth and Rufus. “Prepare the isolated building, we don’t want an epidemic. Take a few warriors with you, someone has to keep them inside. Children and grown-ups together. You will stay with them for a while, so take your best men with you.”
Then she looked at Angus. She said nothing to him for a few seconds.
“Angus will go with you,” she explained.
It was more than obvious that she was testing him. He stayed in the movement long enough to be accepted, but there was always some sort of doubt whether he truly rejected the royal ways. She wanted to believe him, but Mack and his racist group were not that trusting. They needed a proof. And to change the mindset of other royal angels would be the best proof possible.
“Clarice, you will take him to the dungeons. Maedock will be kept there for safety of our plan. Make sure that my demons won’t touch him. But well, if they do,” she smiled lightly, “then it won’t be a big deal. You are my prisoner, Maedock of whatever family, and you will be kept with other prisoners. That’s all that your fucking pacifism can do.”
She looked at Angus with anger. Fucker. He had the guts to do something like that in her presence? Even Mack would hold his horses in a situation in which everything was a play. Angus didn’t get that rule, though.
OdpowiedzUsuńShe shrugged his hand from her arm, and looked at him angrily. She couldn’t tell him to screw himself, she had to show some respect to him, but on the other hand, he was in no position to change her decision. So she played along the role written for her; the merciless, tough leader who takes no bullshit even from people she trusted.
“That’s exactly why I’m doing this,” she explained to everybody, looking in Angus’ eyes. “Because he won’t do anything.”
When Maedock was taken to the dungeons, Emily turned to the rest of her leaders.
“We’re going in an hour. Take your weapons, but disguise them, we can’t show them they’re our prisoners. But they may not trust us, that’s why Angus will go with us. If it doesn’t work, we’ll use our strength. I don’t think they’re going to fight back, though, so don’t wear heavy armor or anything. Angus, you go with me, I need to give you some weapon.”
She didn’t have to give him any weapon, but she wanted to explain everything to him. After all, he could destroy everything just by looking not convinced. So she led him to her rooms, then closed the door, and looked him in the eyes.
“I don’t want to ask you for this,” she said, “but you need to lie. They are in danger. You know what’s going to happen to them if we don’t act. So the only chance we have is to take them here and convince them to stay, and that’ll be your job. Can I count on you in this?”
Emily wasn’t the best angel to use soft power, but she had to give it a try.
She was tired. Suddenly all she wanted to do was to lie down, and do it just long enough to die without knowing it. She looked at Angus and sat down on her bed. Yet, she decided not to lie own, because she felt in her body that she would not get up. She would really die in that moment. So sitting was the only choice.
OdpowiedzUsuń“Because without it, they will die,” she said instantly, taking one of her knives and putting it into a pocket in her shoe. “Because we don’t have time to argue over what I should do or what I shouldn’t do. The demons might be there in two minutes. Have you thought how you would feel if we were late? And with angels like him you simply don’t discuss. If they are willing to die but not give up their pride…”
She stood up. It was difficult to reject even a slight dream of death. Because yes, Emily wanted to finally die.
“Okay, but I see you still don’t feel it,” she said, and then came up to him. “So what should I do? Accept them and their way of life, disregarding my people? Or ignore them to please my people? What would you do, if you are so willing to make those fucking choices?”
„Letting them stay is a stupid idea in the first place,” she said in a calm manner, but her wings were shivering, a sign of her anger. “It’s dangerous. Right now we’re a bunch of well-trained and well-equipped angels about whom demons don’t give a fuck, we’re not worthwhile. But with a bunch of royalty, we’re just the best place to attack. I shouldn’t have allowed them to stay in the first place.”
OdpowiedzUsuńOf course she was tired, because every decision she made had a response ready to be thrown into her face several minutes after she had made it. Letting them stay was dangerous and disrespectful towards Mack, as he never would agree to do so. Not letting them stay would be terrible and unforgivable to Angus and to this part of the movement who still held dear pacifism, of course to some extent. But Emily didn’t want to kill another bunch of angels just because it was easier. They became a strong group finally, they had to take risks. Survive or die.
“You would never forgive me if I let them die in that cave though,” she admitted.
And that was huge for her, she immediately looked away. Of course that she did it for him. Prisoners or not, she decided to open her village just to please Angus, to make him less lonely. She knew well that here he was alone with those wings.
She was listening to him, and with every word she was beating herself down. How could she be so naïve? It was obvious that this intimacy they shared was a mistake, if it even really happened. Maybe she read it wrong. Hearing this, she grew cold, as cold as possible, and then she said firmly, “You will not take care of this.”
OdpowiedzUsuńOf course, she meant that he had his unit and thus he could not fight, but the undertones of her words were clearly stating that he was too weak to do all of that. He could do nothing; it was her, always her who was saving everybody’s lives. So it wasn’t his job because she was stronger. And because she was wrong. They shared nothing.
“You will never try to challenge my words publicly,” she added even colder, looking him in the eyes finally, after a while. “Take whatever weapon you want. You know where they are. And fast, we don’t have time.”
She then walked past him and got to the door. But before opening it, she said, “You will do as ordered if you want to stay here.” It was a threat which was supposed to distance them. Emily was the master of making people hate her.
Emily looked at him, growing even more angry, bordering on the edge of madness. She pushed him away with her wing, and then started to walk in his direction.
OdpowiedzUsuń“And what can you do exactly?” she asked, violently pushing one of the chairs in her way. It fell down, but she didn’t look at it even, still watching hungrily at Angus. “Can you save me from the demons? No. Can you help me with those in the dungeons? No. If someone decides to kill me, you will be just fucking standing and watching, because you won’t hurt a fly. So how are you going to take care of me, huh? How?”
She was furious because he was touching something that desired protection. She was violent because that one part still wasn’t dead inside her and Emily could not give it without a price. Giving it away was dangerous, threatening her life. She would never give up the last point of life within her. Everything else was black.
“What the fuck do you want from me?” she asked finally, suddenly leaving all of her aggression behind.
It looked as if she had several faces, switching from one to another, with completely different emotions.